Ash was packing five dozen mini-pizzas into foil containers when the buzzer sounded. She swore softly and glanced at her watch. Molly was early. Ash hadn't bargained on her aunt being early when lateness was a family trait, although not one she possessed herself. She covered the remaining pizzas with paper towels and stacked the full boxes on the counter. She'd have to finish packing them when Molly was gone even though she'd planned to sort them out before her aunt arrived. Now she had no time to tidy herself up. Ash could hardly believe that Molly had picked today to be early for the first time in her life.
She glanced in the mirror as she walked into the living room. Her pale pink lipstick had faded, there was a smudge of flour across her cheek and a lock of hair was trying to escape from the ribbon that had held it back while she was working. She didn't bother to retouch her lipstick but she rubbed at the smudge of flour and pulled the thin black ribbon from her hair, allowing it to flow loosely around her shoulders in a sheen of white-gold. She looked OK, she thought. Not hassled, which was the main thing. She always felt it was important not to look hassled in front of Molly.

She pressed the intercom.
`It's me,' said Molly. `Let me in, Ash. It's starting to rain.'
`Not again.' Ash had been too busy to notice the change in the weather. `This is turning into the wettest autumn in living memory.'
She held the door open and waited while her aunt walked up the stairs to the fourth floor of the apartment building. A silver and grey cat streaked past her. He sat by the window, licking his front paw and rubbing it behind his ear accusingly.
`Sorry, Bagel.' Ash looked at him apologetically. `I would've let you in earlier if I'd realised it was raining again.'
`Hi, Ash,' Molly gasped as she stopped outside the door. `Those stairs get steeper every time!'
`Give me your bags.' Ash held out her hand and took some of the carrier bags from the older woman. Molly had hit almost every shop in the Jervis Shopping Centre. Ash couldn't bear the thought of trudging around so many crowded shops in one day, but Molly enjoyed it. Nevertheless, her aunt sighed in relief as she handed over the bags and walked into the apartment.
`You'll have to get over this phobia about lifts, Molly,' said Ash sternly. `One day you'll have a heart attack walking up the stairs. Especially when you go on shopping sprees like this.'
`It's a keep fit thing,' said Molly. `Although I think I may have overdone it this time. My feet are killing me, even in my flat shoes.'
`Never mind,' said Ash as she placed the bags in a neat row along the wall, making sure that they were grouped according to the store. `Why don't you give me your jacket, sit down and I'll get you a drink.'
Molly took off her jacket and handed it to Ash who hung it on the brushed steel coat rack beside the door. Molly stretched her legs out in front of her and wriggled her toes. `You know, I don't usually feel any older,' she told Ash, `but a day tramping around the shops takes it out of me.'

`Buying up half of Dublin would take it out of anybody. And you don't look a day over fifty,' said Ash loyally.
Molly, who was fifty-nine, made a face. `Thanks.'
`I like your hair,' added Ash. `Shorter suits you.'
`It's easier to manage,' said Molly. `And grey hair looks better short.'
`It's not grey, it's white,' objected Ash.
`I suppose so,' Molly said. `At least it makes me look so pathetic it sometimes gets me a seat in the bus!'
Ash laughed. `You could never look pathetic. You're far too strong a woman to look pathetic.' She stepped over to the maple sideboard and opened one of the opaque glass doors. `What would you like to drink?'
`What have you got?' asked Molly.
`I've got everything,' Ash told her. `Gin, vodka, Bailey's, Jemmy . . .' She looked round at Molly and shrugged.
`Jameson would be nice,' said Molly.
`On the rocks?' asked Ash.
`And ruin a good whiskey?' Molly grinned. `Neat is just fine.'
Ash poured the amber liquid into a crystal glass and handed it to Molly. `It's nice to see you again,' she said.
`And you,' Molly replied. She looked around the apartment at the cornflake-yellow walls of the apartment. `You've had this done up since last time I was here.'
The last time Molly had visited, a few months earlier, the walls had been maroon and covered with charcoal drawings of old Dublin.
`It was too dark before,' explained Ash as she sat down beside Molly, a glass of white wine in her hand.
`What about the drawings?' asked Molly. `They were nice.'
`Oh, I gave them back to Kieran,' Ash told her. `I didn't want to keep them and I really only bought them as support.'
`And how is Kieran?' Molly sipped her whiskey and looked curiously at Ash.
She shrugged. `Fine, I guess. I haven't seen him. Well, I wouldn't, really, Molly. We don't tend to go to the same kind of places these days.'
`You did for nearly six months,' said Molly tartly.
Ash sipped her wine. `Too long,' she said lightly, after a pause.
They sat in silence for a moment. Ash glanced at Molly who was surveying the apartment. Ash preferred the new de^/cor, she hadn't really liked it in maroon. It was too old-fashioned for a riverside place that was only a couple of years old but it had suited her mood while she'd been going out with Kieran. He was a dark, brooding kind of man and he'd made her feel dark and brooding too. When they'd split up she immediately redecorated.
`Why did you break up with Kieran?' asked Molly.
Ash sighed. `Oh, Molly, he just wasn't for me. I liked him but not enough for it to go anywhere.'
`Maybe you didn't give it a chance,' suggested Molly.
`I gave it plenty of chance.' Ash shook her head. `Can you imagine me living with a man like Kieran for the rest of my life? It'd be so depressing.'
`There are worse men out there, Ash.'
`That's not saying much.' Ash stood up. `Food in ten minutes,' she told Molly. `Salmon cutlets. Stir-fried vegetables and a light sauce. It was my summer special this year. Salmon was such a good price and nobody likes eating heavy food when it's hot.'
Molly glanced at the window where the rain was running down the floor-to-ceiling glass in torrents. Ash laughed. `Well, it was hot last month.'
She went into the galley kitchen, followed by Bagel, while Molly sat on the sofa and sipped her whiskey. The cat jumped lightly onto the deep windowsill and watched Ash as she slid the cutlets under the grill.
`How's Michelle?' Ash called out to Molly. `I keep meaning to ring her but I've been so busy lately . . .'
`She's fine.' Molly pushed herself out of the sofa and padded to the kitchen door. `She was complaining that she hasn't seen much of you since the christening.'
`It's my fault,' admitted Ash. `I keep saying that I'll ring or call out there and I just don't.'
`You should.' Molly watched while Ash tipped green beans, slivers of carrots and peppers into a wok. `It's not as though she can drop everything and visit you, Ash.'
`I know.' Ash bent down to take plates out of the warm part of the oven. She stood up, pushed her hair out of her eyes and smiled apologetically at Molly. The older woman bit her lip. The gesture was pure Julia, she thought, as she looked at her niece. Even if Ash's unusual combination of fair hair and brown eyes suggested somebody else completely.
`Sit down and I'll bring the food out,' said Ash. `What train are you getting home, Molly?'
`The later one,' Molly told her. `We've plenty of time.'
`Particularly since you were early.'

Molly smiled. `I knew you'd notice. I slowed down specially when I got to the quays but I wasn't slow enough.'
`I didn't mind you being early,' Ash lied. `Although you have to admit it was a bit out of character.'
`I ran out of energy,' said Molly. `I was standing in Debenhams and there were hordes of people round me and I just thought that I'd had enough. But I bet I threw your timetable into total disarray.'
`That's how I feel in shops all the time. And I didn't have a timetable.' Ash handed her a pepper mill. `Here, eat your food.'
`This looks delicious,' said Molly. `You really didn't have to go to all this trouble, Ash.'
`It's no trouble.' Ash looked surprised. `I could do this in my sleep, Molly.'
`I'm more interested in your waking life,' Molly said. `Is there anyone in it now? Post-Kieran.'
Ash shrugged. `Brendan.'
`Tell me about him,' said Molly enthusiastically.
`There's nothing to tell,' Ash said. `I like him but . . .'
`But what?' asked Molly.
`But _ oh, you know how it is. You meet someone at a party, you have a few drinks, they seem perfect . . .' Ash sighed. `Then you go out with them a few times and you realise that they're not.'
`Oh, Aisling.' Molly looked disappointed. `How long have you known him?'
`A few weeks,' Ash was noncommittal.
`Is he good-looking?'

`Molly, how he looks makes no difference,' said Ash. `Maybe I just meet the wrong sort of man.'
`Maybe you're looking for the kind of man who doesn't exist, Ash. You want somebody who'll fit your life perfectly and that'll never happen. There has to be a bit of give and take, you know.'
`I know,' Ash said sharply. `But I don't want to do all of the giving and none of the taking.'
Molly's expression was worried. `It would be nice, though, if you did find someone special soon,' she said hopefully.
`Oh, Molly!' Ash laughed. `Just because Michelle is married with a squadron of kids! I'm happy, really I am.'
`I don't doubt you think you're happy,' said Molly. `But you don't want to be on your own forever. You can't keep going through men like a box of tissues.'
`Don't be so old-fashioned.' Ash dropped a flake of salmon onto the maple floor and Bagel, who'd been sitting under the table expectantly, ate it in one gulp.
`It's not old-fashioned,' protested Molly.
`I'm twenty-nine,' said Ash. `I've loads of time to find Mr Perfect.'
`I was married with three children at twenty-nine,' said Molly acidly.
`That was then,' said Ash. She dropped another flake of salmon onto the floor.
`What about Michelle?' added Molly. `She has three of her own and she's only a few months older than you.'
Ash shrugged. `She's different to me. She's your daughter, Molly. That's why she's into the whole family thing.'
`I worry about you,' Molly told her. `And don't laugh at me for worrying about you, Ash.'
`I wouldn't dream of laughing at you,' said Ash seriously. `But you've got to understand, Molly, that I'm perfectly happy the way I am. I enjoy my work, I know loads of people and I can go out anytime I like__'
`Then you come home to a solitary bed and your cat,' finished Molly.
`Not always.' Ash's eyes twinkled at her.
Molly flushed. `I don't really want to know about your sex life,' she said.
`I've no intention of telling you about it either.' Ash grinned at her. `I know we've always got on, Molly, but I draw the line at that. You don't have to worry, I don't sleep with all of the men in my life. And I quite enjoy spending evenings alone with my cat too.'
`What worries me is that you seem utterly incapable of staying with anyone for any length of time,' said Molly tartly. `I'm all for playing the field, Ash, and I agree that women now don't have to settle down and start having kids at twenty. But you need someone.'
`I haven't met one special person,' said Ash reasonably. `And I don't [i]need[r] anyone. If I find a bloke, fine. If I don't _ so what?'
She stood up and took the plates into the kitchen. Bagel padded after her and mewed as she scraped her leftover salmon into his bowl. She rubbed his head and he purred furiously.
`I don't mean to nag you,' said Molly as Ash came back into the living room.
`I know.' Ash looked at her appraisingly. `You're just afraid I'll end up like Julia, aren't you?'
Molly flushed.

`Oh, Molly, I can read you like a book!' Ash laughed. `You know perfectly well that I'm nothing like Julia.'
`In lots of ways you're very like Julia,' objected Molly.
`Don't be ridiculous,' said Ash hotly. `Much as I loved her, Molly, she was the most disorganised, flightiest, silliest woman I've ever known. I am certainly not like Julia.'
`You're not disorganised or silly, I'll admit,' said Molly.
`I'm not flighty either,' cried Ash.
`Not in the sense that Julia was flighty,' admitted Molly. `But she couldn't settle with one man, Ash, and neither can you.'
`For completely different reasons,' Ash pointed out. `She started out on this free love thing. And then she did a one hundred and eighty degree turn and thought all men were prospective husbands! I'm not like that at all.'
`Ash, you do the same thing as Julia only in a completely different way,' said Molly.
`That is so untrue,' said Ash furiously. `I don't sleep with hordes of men and I haven't yet got pregnant by someone who I can't even remember!'
There was an awkward silence.
`Look, Molly,' said Ash eventually. `I loved my mother to bits. She did her best for me no matter how daft she was. But she never settled in one place and she fell in love at the drop of a hat. Do you know how many blokes were in her life after I was born? I've lost count! And she really thought that each one of them was the right man for her. When actually none of them were. It was insane, Molly. Absolutely insane.'
`I know.' Molly looked at her niece sympathetically.
`And then she goes and does something incredibly stupid like__' Ash broke off. `Well, it doesn't matter now. Water under the bridge and all that sort of thing. But I'm telling you now and telling you for the last time, I will settle down with someone when I know for sure, when I'm absolutely certain that he's the right one and the only one.'
Molly sighed. `I understand that, Ash. I really do.'
`So we don't need to talk about this any more, do we?'
`I guess not.' Molly shook her head.

`Great.' Ash stood up. `I'll get the desserts. After such a healthy main course I thought you might like some pure indulgence.' She went into the kitchen again. Bagel was sitting beside his empty bowl and he looked anxiously at her. `Still hungry?' she asked. `Even after the salmon?' She took a foil packet out of a cupboard and tore it across the top, making a face as the smell of cat food escaped. `This is so disgusting you're bound to love it,' she told the cat. `Liver and kidney with a touch of mouse.' She emptied it into his bowl and he pushed her hand out of the way. She took two plain white plates from the dresser and eased her speciality, sticky toffee pudding, onto them.
`You wretch!' Molly smiled at her as she carried the plates to the table. `You know that's not on my list of allowable items.'
`Special treat,' said Ash.
Molly dug her spoon into the pudding. It came apart in a waft of sweet sauce and golden sponge. `A minute on the lips,' said Molly resignedly.
`Oh, you probably walked it all off earlier,' said Ash. `What did you buy today? Were there sales on?'
`In some of the shops. I got some really pretty beach wraps, a gorgeous cashmere cardigan and a really lovely pair of trousers. Nice swimsuits too _ I picked up a few in M and S.'
`Molly, there are about a hundred bags in the corner. I wish I could stand being in shops, then I'd have more than just white T-shirts and black jeans in my wardrobe. What else did you buy?'
`Oh, things for the children, you know. Tops. Sweatshirts. Jumpers. Lovely dresses. I love buying things for the kids, everything is so cute!'
`I'm sure the boys won't thank you for calling them cute,' said Ash.
`But Shay junior is only nine months old.' Molly beamed. `You can buy some awfully cute things for babies. And I like to get things for the others too. Michelle hardly has the time and the other two are so fussy.'
Ash shrugged. Having lived with Michelle since she was eleven years old, Ash still found it hard to believe that her cousin had three children. She frowned as she tried to remember the ages of the other two.
`Lucy is six and Brian is three,' said Molly helpfully.
`I knew that.' Ash was annoyed that Molly knew what she was thinking. `Would you like some coffee?'
Molly nodded. Ash brought the cafetiere in from the kitchen. When she'd poured the coffee, Bagel, who'd followed her, jumped onto her lap and started to knead her stomach furiously. Ash winced as his claws penetrated her cotton top.
Molly spooned some brown sugar into her coffee. `How's business?' she asked.
`Booming.' Ash liked talking about her business as a freelance chef. She worked mainly for corporate customers who needed people to cater for business lunches and dinners, although she also did a lot of cooking for private dinner parties. In the five years since she'd left the small restaurant where she started out, her business success had exceeded her wildest expectations. `I'm booked up every day. The summer was incredible. I thought things would drop off because they often do when it's warm, but any slack on the lunchtime work was taken up by doing garden parties and things like that. Today I was baking for a rugby club fundraising do tonight. Fortunately I don't have to be there. It's all nibbles and someone will be along later to pick them up.'
`What did you cook?' asked Molly.

`Party food,' Ash told her. `Sausage rolls, vol-au-vents, pizza, that sort of thing.'
`Is it profitable?' asked Molly.
`Very.'
`And you're kept busy.'
`I'm so busy you just wouldn't believe, Molly,' said Ash. `I'm thinking of getting someone else with me but I'm not sure. I don't want to lose the personal thing, you know. And then you get someone working with you and next thing you know they're pinching your clients _ so I haven't made up my mind yet.'
`It might take some pressure off you, though,' said Molly.
`Maybe,' Ash conceded. `But it brings a whole new set of pressures and I don't know if I want them. The way things are now, I can be booked up every single day if I want. I try to keep a balance between regular bookings and special events.'
`I wish I knew where you got it from,' said Molly. `I can cook, but not like you, Ash. And Julia__'
`Was good at takeaways,' Ash interrupted her. `More coffee?'
Molly shook her head and changed the subject. `Any plans for Christmas yet?'
`Give me a break, Molly, it's only the end of September.' Ash looked aghast.
`I know you,' said Molly. `If I open your diary you've probably got every day planned until December the twenty-fifth.'
`I have my bookings filled in,' said Ash defensively. `I have to do that, Molly. And they're not in a diary, they're on my computer. I'm a technology-minded chef, you know. I set up my own website last month.'
`Whatever.' Molly hated anything to do with computers. `You'll still have it all planned. So what do you plan for Christmas?'
`I always come to you, don't I?' said Ash. `The traditional O'Halloran_Rourke family gathering?'
Molly nodded.
`So why should this year be any different?'
`I don't know,' said Molly. `Maybe I think that you're fed up with us.'
`Of course not!' Ash looked shocked. `Of course not,' she repeated.
`It's just that you visit us less and less,' said Molly. `Shay was only saying so the other day.'
`Yes, well, I don't often get the time to go to Drogheda,' Ash said. `I'm too busy during the week and Saturdays _ well, the last month I've had a function every single Saturday night. Which means that it's late when I get up on Sundays and the train service isn't all that wonderful . . .'
`You don't have to explain,' said Molly. `I'm merely telling you that you don't see us very often. That's fine. You don't have to.'
`It's not because I don't want to,' Ash said. `It's because I__'
`I know,' said Molly. `I do, Ash. Honestly.'
`You don't know,' said Ash fiercely. `You think you know everything, Molly, but you don't.' She bit her lip. Bagel looked up at her and leaped from her lap. He sat by the window again while Ash folded and refolded the linen napkin she'd left on the table.
`Michelle and her family are coming of course.' Molly returned calmly to the subject of Christmas dinner. `And the boys and their wives.'
`That's a lot of people.' Ash looked up from the napkin. `Are you sure you want that many people?'
`I've done it before,' said Molly. `When everyone was at home.'
`I know,' said Ash. `It was different then.'
`It's only a meal.' Molly grinned. `You told me that, Ash, the first time you cooked for us.'
Ash's smile wobbled slightly. `I remember.'
`It was fantastic,' said Molly.

`Turkey isn't difficult.' Ash shrugged. `Let's face it, you just shove it in the oven and leave it there. Christmas dinner is all about timing, nothing else.'
`Who better than you, in that case?' said Molly wryly. `But I promise you, Ash, you don't have to cook. You'll be sick of it by then anyway, I'm sure.'
`Probably,' admitted Ash. `But I like doing it, Molly. I feel__'
`You don't have to do it because you want to be useful,' said Molly. `Or out of some misguided sense of gratitude.'
Ash felt her cheeks redden.
`I love you,' said Molly. `When you love someone you don't have to keep doing things to prove it.'
`You did rather a lot for me,' said Ash.
`You're Julia's daughter,' said Molly. `What did you expect?'
Ash sighed. `It's just that I sometimes wonder what it'd be like not to have been Julia's daughter.' She rubbed the back of her neck. `When your mother was like Julia _ well, you can see how people would look at you and expect you to do something odd sooner or later.'
`I suppose Michelle's said something,' surmised Molly.
`Michelle is always saying something,' said Ash ruefully.
`Don't let it bother you,' advised Molly.
`I don't,' said Ash. `I know she's your daughter, Molly, but she gets under my skin sometimes.'
`I know,' said Molly.
`Is there anything you don't know?' asked Ash.
Molly laughed. `I don't know how I'm going to get out of this chair and back to the train station. I haven't eaten as much in ages.'
Ash laughed too. `I'm glad you enjoyed it,' she said.
`You'd want to be insane not to enjoy your food,' said Molly ruefully. She yawned then stood up from the table. `Give Michelle a call, Ash. She'd love to hear from you.'
`Sure,' said Ash. `I will.' She glanced at her watch. `You've loads of time.'
`I'm trying to be more like you,' said Molly. `Punctual to the second! Besides, with this rain . . .'
`You should get a taxi,' said Ash. `I'll phone.'
`It's a ten-minute walk to Amiens Street at the most,' Molly told her. `You're out of your mind if you think a taxi will call here just to cross the river.'
`Maybe,' said Ash. `But let me come with you. I can carry some bags.'
`You don't have to.'
`No. I want to.' Ash took a long waxed jacket from the coat stand. `I haven't been outside today, the walk will do me good.'
`What about the person collecting the party food?' asked Molly. `Won't you need to be in the apartment in case they call?'
Ash glanced at her watch. `Not for another hour,' she told Molly. `It's fine.'
Molly shrugged and then waited as Ash turned off all the electrical equipment in the apartment. `You're only going to be out for a few minutes,' she told her niece. `You don't need to unplug the TV.'
`I know. But I feel better if I do.' Ash took as many bags as she could and pressed the lift button. `Come on,' she told Molly. `It takes about five seconds. And I'll be with you, you don't need to worry.'
`I just don't like it,' said Molly. `I'm not worried.'
She got into the lift with Ash and squeezed her eyes closed while the lift glided downwards.
`I like it that you're afraid,' Ash told her as they got out on the ground floor. `It makes you seem human.'
`Me - human!' Molly laughed nervously. `I'm super-human, girl, didn't you know? Raising all of you? What else would you call it?'
Ash smiled. `Super-human. Naturally.' She pushed open the door to the apartment building and looked out. `Not too bad,' she told Molly. `Drizzling, but otherwise OK.'
Molly followed her outside. The lights along the quayside reflected onto the puddles of water on the street as well as onto the black water of the River Liffey. On the other side of the river, the buildings of the financial services centre were bathed in the green and white lights that played on the fac^,ades. The wind was easterly, from the mouth of the river, and Ash shivered as she scurried across the road, Molly's bags bumping against her legs.
They walked quickly and in silence past the entrance to the gleaming office buildings, and along Amiens Street to the mainline train station.
`Plenty of time,' said Ash as they entered the concourse.
`Told you.' Molly smiled at her. `Thanks for dinner, Ash.'
`You're welcome.'
`You will phone Michelle?'
`I told you I would.'
`And you're OK for Christmas?'
`Molly, I'll definitely be talking to you before then.'
`You'll look after yourself, Ash, won't you?'
Ash nodded. `Sure, I will.'
`And maybe you'll even give this Brendan guy a chance?'
`Oh, Molly!' Ash looked at her in exasperation.
Molly smiled. `Sorry, sorry. It's your life. I know.'
`Yes,' said Ash firmly. `Please don't worry about me, Molly. I'm fine. I always have been.'
`I know.'
`So, here, take your bags and get on your train. Tell Shay I was asking for him. And Rob, if you see him.'
`I see Rob every day, Ash.'
Ash shrugged. `Well, you know, tell everyone I was asking for them.'
`It's not much of a journey,' said Molly. `You know you can come anytime.'
`I'd probably come more if it was more of a journey,' said Ash wryly. `When people aren't that far away you tend not to bother. I'm sorry, Molly. I will try and visit before Christmas. But you know you can come and stay with me anytime you like.'
Molly nodded. `I know.'
`Great.' Ash kissed her on the cheek. `It was really lovely to see you.'
`And you,' said Molly.
`Talk soon,' said Ash.
Molly nodded and walked towards the train.